our son canaan, our beautiful boy. i watched today, him be tested and analyzed. we were in an older school building in north campus or clintonville. i watched silently as he emerged from his shell to answer questions from his instructor. the most obvious dysfunction was his inability to trace, copy, and independently draw basic shapes and lines on paper (such as crosses and squares). his brain and his hands just don't communicate so clearly yet. although, they sorta think that they do (part of the problem, I guess). anyway, as i sat, it all seemed surreal, as if elliott smith was strumming a sad cord or two, and a donnie darko like spiritual force visually connected us. and together with my wife, i don't know that i know anything more powerful, spiritual, or righteous, than being parent to our children. it is so powerful, that there is no belief or philosophy needed to compel me or inspire me - there is simply no choice but to fully embrace and love our children. so much so, that it is almost frightening, the way a feeling can quickly override intellect.

all that to say, i will just be devastated when our boy is grown up, though i look forward to it, even so.