A thought popped into my head the other day - more like a memory I guess - which had to do with events (other than Sept. 11th) in the Fall of 2001.
Kelsie and I had just settled into an apartment in Grandview - we were newly married and had lots and lots of time on our hands. It was a time for "un-study" - having been out of school for the first time since kindergarten. But this is when the real learning would begin. This is when the Matrix fell apart, exposing a reality unseen.
For my 23rd birthday, my Brother bought a new special edition DVD of Martin Scorcese's masterpiece, "Goodfellas". It had already been a favorite film of mine - and it made an excellent gift. But I had this weird process happening in my mind - being newly married - in which I began thinking of having children - and thinking about whether or not I should have films such as "Goodfellas" in our home or not. The conviction became strong within me (weird to think about now, considering my children and my film collection) and since I had not opened the DVD, I decided that I would take it back to Wal-Mart and see if there was a more appropriate film to bring into our home.
Short story long, I traded in the two-disc special edition of Goodfellas for the two-disc special edition of Sir Richard Attenborough's 1982 epic, "Gandhi". Completely random, really - I don't remember knowing anything of Gandhi as a man or a film - and cannot for the life of me remember my thought process in persuading myself to choose it over "A.I." or "Ali" or "Monsters Inc." But I bought it, and as you can imagine, it didn't just begin a new chapter, it began a new book - and the spiritual earthquake that took place then is still experiencing aftershocks today.
I still remember the sense of being baffled at the sight of a small Hindu man living out all I had learned, but never seen, about Jesus and his Kingdom/Gospel/Church. I finally felt I had something to be excited about, spiritually speaking - something that could change the institutional church from the inside out in the face of homeland terrorism. Even though I initially felt alone in this proposal, it did not take long to discover that many others were experiencing similar thoughts and feelings for better and worse. It may have been for the worse for myself, had I not found direction from friends, mentors, liberation theologians, and Franciscans (and if I am honest, a Jesus-respecting Buddhist). A real wedge developed between my Brother and I, not so much because I traded Goodfellas for Gandhi (which he will just now discover while reading this), but because we still had plenty to learn about each other - leading up to one of the most important processes of my life - reconciling the issues, thoughts, emotions, and actions between us that had been offensive and misunderstood during this developmental season.
Most interestingly, ten years on, I almost inadvertently developed (compiled really) the Peacemaker Training curriculum simply because I had plenty of downtime at work these past four years - but also because I had been knocking on the door of prisons/hospitals/trauma-centers/universities/etc., asking for direction and placement in vain...for if they did answer, I was never invited in because I was considered a worthless MFT instead of a well-respected OSU educated Social Worker (still bitter) - but at some point, I realized I had a very unique opportunity to engage ex-offenders/ex-prostitutes/ex-addicts right here where God directed/placed us - and that they would be capable of teaching me and directing me in ways that the above systems could never do. God knows these kinds of things, of course - which is a reason I still trust in God. Not unlike Kelsie's recent experience with the "upside-down Kingdom".
Thinking about it now, it's also obvious how much of the Trainings were given life and depth during my time listening to and learning from war veterans with PTSD. From the bottom-up, friends - always. The top-down is full of shit and decay.
All that to say, the new medical prison for men (and pregnant women) just a few miles away from here, has invited us to implement some programs/classes for various specified populations. My proposal to facilitate the Peacemaker Trainings for men and possibly the women has been accepted and will begin in early 2012. I would like to say that this is all a result of my determination and discipline - but everyone knows that such characteristics do not exist within me unless we are considering my severe commitment to defeat Ganondorf in every known version of The Legend of Zelda. :) Rather, I believe that my natural inclination to observe, to be silent, to reflect, and to allow the art to create the artist - has provided possibilities that I could never create for myself. That is what I care about - even though there is a real sense of anxiety that comes along with this way of being in the world. A kind of journey, it seems, that many before me have known and endured.
"The journey of reconciliation requires the discipline of lament. We say “discipline” because lament is the hard work of learning to see and name the brokenness of the world. To the extent we have not learned to lament, we deal superficially with the world’s brokenness, offering quick and easy fixes that do not require our conversion. The discipline of lament not only allows us to see the depth of the world’s brokenness (including our own and the church’s complicity in it); it also shapes reconciliation as a journey that involves truth, conversion, and forgiveness."
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