At least once every three months, if not more, I essentially enter into a state of depression and self-pity regarding our incapacity to live within our financial means, which is all but impossible to achieve, and frustrating as fuck to constantly worry about. Most of the time, we can reconcile the sacrifices made and find significant meaning in the work we love to do - it just comes without earthly rewards, some of which might even be considered basic needs. More than that, if we didn't get major financial support from family, hand-me-down cars and the like, our life would be literally unsustainable, and our ship would sink.
That raising a family and living out a missional alternative existence are economically incompatible is tragic, if not also a darkly comedic exposure of the church's ungodly relationship with "the empire". Even Hazel Motes recognizes that...
"It don't cost you any money...to know the truth! You cain't know the truth from money."
But the truth is measured by dollars. Our time is measured by dollars. Our worth...yep...measured in dollars too. and thus...the question becomes...how much do we believe we are worth? How many goddamn dollars?
Wendell Berry suggests that "To regard the economy as an end or as the measure of success is merely to reduce students, teachers, researchers, and all they know or learn to merchandise. It reduces knowledge to "property" and education to training for the "job market"." In other words, knowledge, education, and experience don't mean shit in our economy if they don't mean dollars. Our economy is a thriving culture for pimps and prostitutes of every sort. We all suck dick for money - let's just be honest.
Berry continues - "Any economy must be either true or false to the world and to our life in it. If it is to be true, then it must be made true, according to a standard that is not economic." Even our Spirituality has come to be understood more in terms of tithes and offerings as the standard of membership, but is ultimately FALSE to the world and our life in it. Instead, it should be understood in terms of our submission to God's Will as the TRUE standard to the world and our life in it. This suggests, obviously, the possibility that we give tithes and offerings to the Church because we have not yet given ourselves in complete submission to God. Something like..."I tell you the truth, this poor widow has given more than all the others who are making contributions."
Anyways, that's all interesting to contemplate, but at the end of today, the down breeze of sulking frustration will make me very judgmental of all those who apparently believe all that I believe, yet don't have to, and don't choose to, make the same sacrifices. Worse than that, my envy knows no bounds.
...
