The Final Solution

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Even though I have been watching several holocaust and WWII films the past few weeks, the title of the post does not actually refer to those events. No, it refers to a decision we made that falls outside of our normal idealogical diet of natural living in opposition to medical technology, processed food, unnecessary waste, and such...at least as much as is seemingly reasonable for our family. Since kelsie and I have never been disciplined (whatsoever) in the birth control realm, we decided for me to proceed with the minor surgery known as Vasectomy. It happened three days ago.

As I lay on the table, exposed, I became mindful and overwhelmed by the creepy sterile environment that I prefer to avoid as much as possible. Not only that, but they were soon going to use metal tools to clamp the necessary tubes that distribute the semen, then cut a section out with scissors, then with a torch, burn the ends so that they have less of a chance of re-attaching later - apparently they still could even after the torch. Clamps, scissors, and torches? All used to defile God's design, for our own convenience - to which I am completely opposed. Even so, here I sit, fucking sterilized.

For a number of reasons, it made "sense" to do it - the most obvious being that we have reached capacity regarding the energy and resources needed to care for our family of six. Honestly, we are beyond capacity. Some days are simply more than we handle. However, we seem to be coming around the bend...creeping forward to new adventures. But mostly, Kelsie and I cannot really keep clock with her cycle, because it is already frustrating enough having to schedule in sex, and the last thing we need is more constraints and more anxiety. Kelsie's sex drive goes to the shitter if she is on "the pill". And the method we disagree with the most - rubbers - invasive and industrial, are not welcome in our sacred space.

At the heart of it, for me, is simplicity - not having to worry and be anxious - instead being able to focus my energy into relationship with my wife and my children as we continue to grow together - without being tired and frustrated. Similar to the reason I masturbate actually - I would rather take thirty seconds to get it out and move on with my day, than be frustrated, annoyed, and horny. This also keeps me much less vulnerable to legitimate lustful fantasies - which is the last place i need to be lingering, right? In principle, i prefer to be with kelsie for our sake, rather than mine. if i am just horny, it's all about me - so i might as well do it myself and be done. it is not unlike urinating, really - it just needs to come out after so much is stored up.

speaking of which, i still have to "clean the pipes", before i am completely sterile. fifteen to twenty ejaculations they say. that sounds like a good time. :)

anyways, i believe we should be more open and honest about these kinds of things. I guess this is one way to start the conversation.

regardless, we have reached a milestone - ironies, hypocrisies, and all - and i believe that we are very content with who we are, where we are, and what we have - and that is good. and if there is a surprise in the future, then there is a surprise in the future. we are certainly grateful for our highly fertile nature and our abundance of healthy children.

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