Something to chew on with your Turkey...
"...when I was in Israel a little while ago? I mean, I have this picture of Chiquita that was taken when she--I always carry it with me--it was taken when she was about 26 or something and it's in summer and she's stretched out on a terrace in this sort of old-fashioned long skirt that's kind of pulled up and she's slim and sensual and beautiful and I've always looked at that picture and just thought about just how sexy she looks. And then last year in Israel, I looked at the picture? And I realized that the face in the picture was the saddest face in the world. That girl at that time was just lost, so sad and so alone. You know, I've been carrying this picture for years and not ever really seen what it is, you know, I just never really looked at the picture.
And then at a certain point I realized I had just gone for a good eighteen years unable to feel, except in the most extreme situations. I mean, to some extent I still had the ability to live in my work; that was why I was such a work junkie, that was why I felt every play I did was a matter of my life or my death. But in my real life, I was dead. I was a robot. You know, I didn't even allow myself to get angry, or annoyed. I mean, you know, today, Chiquita, Nicholas, Marina, all day long, as people do, they do things that annoy me and they say things that annoy me, and today I get annoyed; and they say "Why are you annoyed?" and I say "Because you're annoying!" you know.
And when I allowed myself to consider the possibility of not spending the rest of my life with Chiquita, I realized that what I wanted most in life was to always be with her. But at that time I hadn't learned what it would be like to let yourself react to another human being. And if you can't react to another person then there's no possibility of action or interaction. And if there isn't, I don't really know what the word "love" means, except "duty," "obligation," "sentimentality," "fear."
What might happen if any of us begin reacting to another human being around the thanksgiving dinner table? I believe things might fall apart fairly quickly.
However, I also believe that we can react and respond in real ways that can be healthy and appropriate without subverting our honest feelings or the honest feelings of another. We can explore these ways tomorrow.
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If you have down time tomorrow, I recommend watching one of the most important, poetic, and beautiful films that I have ever seen...
