Laid on the couch tonight...listening to "Great Lake Swimmers"...trying to keep a "cry" from becoming a "sob".
I am 28 years old...have a wife of 5 1/2 years...2 young children...and we live with my parents.
We desperately want to live and work with the poor...coinciding with our education and experience.
I recently interviewed twice for a social service job with a Nazarene Social Service agency that is in a poor neighborhood in Columbus, OH.
This part-time temp job offered 10-15 thousand dollars for one year...a pilot program for families in the area...with absolutely no benefits (insurance, vacation, etc).
after two interviews, I did not get the job...which I understand to be a more administrative job, rather than counseling...and I understand that they value my experience and education, and are looking for ways to utilize it in the near future.
however, after being rejected for the fifth time in sixth months...I feel really fuckin' inadequate.
Also...Blake's most recent email cut me to pieces...as did Tolstoy the week before...and I begin to feel overwhelmed by the devastation around me, including the rampant hyper-indidividualism...and I am only left with the hope that this wine will become water.
Somebody let me in.
5 comments:
I wanted to say profound theological stuff. The only thing that seemed right was this:
I love you and I am so proud of you.
Hermano
Certainly we grieve with you. You are not inadequate--you lift so many of us up beyond what we thought we were capable. A job title does not define you, but I know economic needs are real and stressful. May you have peace in the midst of your sorrow and pain.
If you extend your soul to the hungry
And satisfy the afflicted soul /Then your light shall dawn in the darkness / And your gloom shall be as the noonday sun.
-p
You are 28 years old...have a beautiful, compassionate, understanding wife of 5 1/2 years...2 wonderful healthy young children, that brighten up your face in such way they know they are completely loved...and through all the changes in your life you have maintained a relationship with your parents such that they welcome you, and your family, into their home with open arms.
You should never feel inadequate. You love and are loved, the rest is details. The details sure can hurt like hell though.
Give your wife and kids a hug for me. I miss you all.
Dear Brother,
Sometimes in order to be able to fully suffer with the poor, we must first BE poor. Your feelings now are tools later. Compassion begins in understanding. Unemployment and Desperation are your seeds of compassion. Unemployment shall pass. The experience will aid you forever.
Be at peace,
Chris
Post a Comment